I'd be mistaken for a moose and shot.

Good point!

Damn...if only it were socially acceptable.

whenever you find yourself suddenly waking up in a mysterious hospital room alone first thing you gotta do is just yank a bunch of IVs out of your arm. just yank the shit out of them

"I don't think this is where we need to economize," me, whenever J buys the generic version of something I use.

I was told by an entomologist that most of the bugs in the house are adapted to live there, not outside. Plus, it's northern Maine so it'd be dead in three weeks.

That's what I'm saying!

Soul in bio

Baby, you're the porn bot of my soul, Baby.

I've had to relocate two large spiders to our (unfinished) basement today. As I did so, I lied to them like a top real estate agent. "It has excellent light and opportunities to make it your own."