Hot pockets are hillbilly beef wellingtons and I will not apologize for this
Sending memes about the most fucked up displays of human cruelty to god and captioning it with “us”
[to the tune of “Some Nights” by fun] 🎶some nights i stay up, pissing in my dad’s truck
if you can’t handle me at my worst (rearranging margarine at the store based on how good it feels to fuck) then you don’t deserve me at my best (eating a wax statue of Mr beast)
If you can’t handle my at my worst (getting a dolphin addicted to fentanyl) then you don’t deserve me at my best (devising a clever system of ropes and pulleys to make a shrek costume vote)
she Pete on my Wentz until i Fall Out Boy
Sleepy Joes are sloppy joes but the sauce is propofol
when the nobles presented king john with the magna carta he thought they said "magnum condom" and he was like "hell yeah you know i got that thang on me" and then they made him sign it. no im not the regular tour guide why do you ask?