Saw a hot chick with a boyfriend who was just some guy on my drive home from work, then went on insta and saw my old band mate is playing shows with a few different people, then texted my parents and they haven't replied. And I don't have any plans tonight. Lol 🙃

Trying feebly to impress her as she was preparing to 'take a nap' with her unspoken-but-probably-new-lover, who is also my friend in the dream and in waking life, no less.

Just had the extremely symbological and Kaufman-esque experience of telling my ex-lover in a dream (which I've been having since I decided to stop smoking weed) that I've been having dreams again since I decided to stop smoking weed.

I feel like absolute dogshit rn 🤕🤒

Above my pay grade blah blah blah blah

I don't make the rules

Sorry but I'm afraid corporate is mandating that you put your hand back on that hot stove.

Co-worker gave me a free drink bc they made his wrong the first time and I didn't know if I wanted it so I said "duly noted" and then drank it later without thanking him ugh fuck me

I keep doing cringey shitty shit someone please stop me from being a doofus 😖

I do cringe shit on an hourly basis, I can't stop being embarrassing