I very much regret accepting free tickets to see the football team I have supported all my life. I clearly should have followed Rishi Sunak's example and accepted free tickets to see a team I only pretended to like and travelled to the game by helicopter.

Do you know what parody is?

"Two wrongs don't make a right" as my grannies used to say.

Cope and seethe

Preferably a gold plated helicopter

Even more than that - he’s still paying for his own season ticket, the club just asked him to sit in a box now for security, as he’s become the actual prime minister of the country

“As I could have afforded to pay for tickets I should have given them away to a father and child or a couple of young people who were true fans but couldn’t afford to go.”

Hello brother, it is good to see such an excellent parody as yourself, pretending Starmer would ever be regretful for having his snout in the trough after years and years of taking any freebies and expenses he's had available.

This fud goes up to lassies in band shirts and demands that they name all their albums

Think you need to rebrand yourself as the Keir Starmer support account because you are missing the whole point of why people are upset. IT IS NOT ABOUT THE FOOTBALL