Carrot ain’t much use if the horse eats it

Motherfucker still owes me $600 “ackshually when he said he’d give everyone $2000 he meant $1400 on top of the other $600 Trump paid out” horseshit

Throw the teacher a curveball and ask about the phase of the temporary miniature moon

Yup. I work at one and received a faculty-wide email from the chancellor urging the “need to remain neutral concerning matters that could be considered politically or socioculturally polarized in nature” Yeah, nah I make $40k after taxes and that # ain’t worth my soul

Alphinaud? Alphayes!

Levi looks like he eats roadkill too so it checks out

People assume that my (potential, I’m open to negotiation!) decision to not vote is about sending a message. It’s not. It’s about whether I can live with myself for voting for genocide. There are no words for the visuals and images from Gaza. I would have blood on my hands if I said “that’s fine”

You’re gonna love my new idea. Dr. Manharley Quinhattan

Genuinely nauseating

Shit imagine spending all that money and your child ends up growing up to write for the New York Times