The video of me getting absolutely demolished by hockey defensemen as I chase after the Zyn container I dropped on the ice at a minor league game is one of the few live action shorts they allow on classic cartoon forums. They call me "astonishingly Goofy-esque".
Three different women have recently described me as being a "known quantity" in the quaint university town's dating scene, so it's about time to write an article about how it's all gone woke and set up at a new school. No-one said academia would be easy.
As someone who has lobbied Big E aggressively over the years on behalf of the National Turkey Federation, emphasising the importance of the only truly American poultry at many a nightclub, it has been a stressful week.
I have no idea whether there are multiple versions of the universe, nor is it necessarily any of my business. What I do know is if there are, Catherine Zeta-Jones is from South America in most of them, and her being Welsh is a fun quirk of our version.
Nick Castellanos is the most "first guy your ex-wife dates after the divorce" dude in the Majors. You run into him and her coming out of the pharmacy. He has that gold necklace on, chewing gum like it's his last chance. You would look ridiculous chewing gum like that. He doesn't.
People sometimes question my decision to get a "Monsanto Gang" back piece tattooed when I did a two month summer internship with them in my junior year, but I'm cool with it, I was young and dumb, it's the two further Monsanto tattoos I got later that puzzle even me.
Yeah well I grew up in a mushroom village, so I’m not really used to how you do things. We used big giant mushrooms as our houses. We used bioluminescent mushrooms as lamps. And we didn’t try to change the plan last second if the other person already made reservations I guess that’s normal here
Turns out a "maiden voyage" is not like a singles cruise, there are not necessarily any maidens at all. I was already questioning whether I brought too many condoms, I just feel ridiculous. Three weeks till we dock in Singapore.
disgusted by the rank hypocrisy of a scenario i just imagined where i say Hey to my friend who's playing horseshoes at the park and he says Hay is for horses. gonna send him an angry text
This year I'm very focused on bringing up my anaerobic muscle endurance, in addition to my V02 max, so that I can hasten to explain things even faster. I will get rhabdomyolysis before I am misconstrued.