I'm starting my big winter beard early this year. It's too cold for my face not to have pants on.
Whenever I'm trying to spell unnecessary I just hit n, C, and s until auto correct kisses me on the forehead and tells me to stop.
It would be financially irresponsible to not buy all of this heavily discounted Halloween candy.
I just made a barista very angry while learning not all goths are witches.
Humans and dogs can bond but pit bulls Bluetooth pair with you on an emotional level.
Happy trying to find your dog's poop with your phone flashlight season to all who celebrate.
I saved a ton of money on car insurance by taking an edible and becoming too afraid of the squirrels hanging out on my front porch to ever leave the house.
Little kid dressed as Batman walking around with his alive parents. F*cking poser.
It’s not a good horror movie unless I have to watch at least three episodes of Bob's Burgers before I can fall asleep.