The Ripon Operation "What a fuss! I've seen scarier dogs than that Shrivenzale down the racing track. If the Graff Vynda-K's money was really burning a hole in his pocket, I'd have sold him Leeds United. And Binro was only right about one thing. I'm always bloody right!"

The Pirate Slant "He's a clever lad, that Douglas Adams. But why he decided to set a pirate story in Halifax I'll never know. It's about 50 miles from the sea, plus the building society moved out of town and took the money with it. He doesn't know his arrrs from his elbow."