Out of a 3.5 hour game, Taylor Swift is only on screen for about 2 minutes. People complaining football has “too much Taylor Swift,” do you also complain about Brendan Fraser having too much screen time in “Killers of the Flower Moon?”

"Situationship?" "Soft launch?" "Love bomb?" Are you dating or working for Lockheed Martin?

A weighted blanket isn’t enough. I need to be vacuum sealed.

“Saltburn” (2023) is about all the things millennials will endure for even the faintest promise of homeownership.

It’s so strange that “vanilla” gets associated with boring, bland, white, middle class culture when it’s an incredibly expensive, complexly flavored ingredient that can only be grown close to the equator.

The most shocking thing about Clarence Thomas being a sugar baby is realizing ugly people can be sugar babies.

Cousins are not all the same. If your moms are sisters, you're siblings. If they are your mom's brother's kids or dad's sister's kids, you're cousins. If your dads are brothers, you aren't related.

If that football man does anything to hurt her, it will be a national security risk. Swifties will find the nuclear codes and Kansas City will be gone.

*extremely youth pastor voice* "I know someone whose saving time never ends"

White people love saying "oooh free facial" while draining pasta.