When the campaign managers said deliver a speech that is 🔥, they didn’t mean something that firefighters would unanimously rally against

The best time to plant a bear was ten years ago. The second best time is now.

Baconator® isn’t the sandwich—it’s the name of the chef. You’re thinking of Son of Baconator®.

Is there one aspect of political conventions you find particularly intriguing?

Vote for the Trump / Mance ticket, will be Wild

I feel lied to by the no-name guy in the smedium shirt who told me he had insider information that Biden would resign yesterday

Given the events of this and last week, today would be an excellent day for Joe Biden to make a public, fiery statement about 1) what this means 2) what he’s going to do to fix it and 3) what lines he will not cross.

Donating $5 to charity for every tally mark. What am I missing?

Good luck shooting someone on Fifth Avenue now