you lose all the things you worry about losing when not transitioning kills you
and you always think it wont come to that, that youre stronger so you can endure. you cant. my friends tell me i am an especially resilient person, but even i got to the point where i couldnt leave my apartment some days bc i didnt know if i could resist the urge to jump in front of a train or car
Yes. Succinctly put.
I've talked to do many older trans girls who convinced themselves that it's too late for them etc etc and oh my gods I've never met more miserable people. my heart breaks for them. they're nice and supportive and just personally dead inside in a way ive never come close to encountering anywhere else
Obligatory reference to my favorite trans-coded character played by Chalamet: youtu.be/RooSqqn1FjA?...
YouTube video by M i Z z a n
It feels like it creeps closer everyday to that decision point
My calculus: if I don’t transition I die and lose my wife and kid. Not a guess, will by failing to be a spouse or failing to be alive. Transition? Maybe lose it all. Might keep it all. So transition.