I have a hard time imagining it's possible to be happy in any circumstance... I'm just broken. I'm probably not autistic, it's probably just cptsd, but there's so much that doesn't make sense.

what if the reason you can't imagine it is because you can't see through the muddy window? what if HRT and transition wiped some of that away? i'm not saying it will, or that it's a complete solution, but it did that for me and my trans friends.

"I have a hard time imagining it's possible to be happy in any circumstance... I'm just broken." Since when did you have a chance to read my pre-transition daily journal/diary entries? I'm attaching an entry from many years ago, that might explain a little why I think you're going to be ok too.