they should create a pair of pants that I can put on and like wear all around

everyone standing around a grill: we’re not traveling this summer everything is too expensive me agreeing and also respecting pasta salad summer: yeah I wonder if I can find pine nuts in bulk somewhere?

hope everyone’s enjoying their pasta salad summer! what do you mean what is pasta salad summer. what do you mean you didn’t know it was pasta salad summer.

enjoy the day, fuckers. while you’re out there standing between a grill and the sun I’ll be making my tenth pasta salad of the summer and repeating positive affirmations i.e. “I am in the right place at the right time doing the right thing for pasta salad summer”

we meet for the first time. you give me your number and I text you so you have my number

yeah it’s in the encyclopedia

it’s easy to think that all cars are guys (ie “that guy just cut me off”) but actually they’re things that guys sit in, just to feel a little sense of control. it’s actually very sad.

please don’t make fun of me please. Thank you.

here we are