Honestly I’m glad he missed. If he’d blown the sonofabitch’s head off, the GOP might have replaced him with someone who isn’t a total idiot, who’d be riding the kind of wave that only comes from someone’s martyrdom.

So we don’t know anything about the shooter, but I wonder if it was one of the contractors that Trump stiffed for millions of dollars? Or I wonder if it was one of the people he cheated with one of his “businesses?” Oh oh oh, or maybe Trump raped their daughter?

I know that the people who work the front desk at hotels are trained to ask you why you’re in town because some focus group decided that this is friendly and welcoming, but whenever they do I’m always tempted to answer “none of your fucking business.” I don’t, but I’m tempted.

Beats the ol’ “pint o’ Scotch on Tuesday” plan, that’s for sure.

My go-to "drink-when-I-don't-want-a-drink" is soda water and a few shakes of whatever bitters I have on hand, over ice. Angostura are the most readily available choice, but Fee's Black Walnut are particularly excellent. Not even kind of sweet.

There’s a guy who 100% has a bunch of CP on his laptop…

The source strikes me as academic. As long as you’ve got a stream of suckers pitching coins into the well it doesn’t matter if you’re promising them that they’ll be able shit frosted cupcakes by this time next year. Disbelief has been suspended. Our future is secure.

(Raises a hand, glossy with perspiration, to give you a thumbs-up. The gesture is difficult to make out from any distance because the air itself is thick with a whitish haze of humidity and any surface darker than a sheet of notebook paper shimmers with ambient heat. One of my eyebrows melts.)

“Short for ‘magazine??’ That thing that goes in a fucking gun??” Let ‘em pronounce it however they like. The future is theirs.

Many years of my working life have been spent as a graphic designer. Bearing this in mind I once wrote a mystery where the MC unraveled the whole conspiracy because he could tell the difference between Arial and Helvetica at a glance. So, you know, it could be worse.