Have I ever told you about my $100 fountain pen? No? That's because it was $130. And they are now $250 -- though I would not buy them at that price! Oh, yes, "they." I have two of those. They hang out with my other 15 fountain pens. I bought a Mont Blanc because of Neil, but it wasn't quite right.

They are definitely hoping for only the most gullible aspiring authors. "Also, the Bible. We were the agents for God. True story."

Write the last chapter of the novel and call it a short story.

"Dad, what does extra-pole-ate mean?"