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I'm Douglas Emhoff

michael harrington had hoes

sometimes i accidentally open the mcdonalds app on my phone and i have to look around to make sure no one saw as if i mistakenly clicked on pornography

Honey I Made You The Kids But I Eated Them

men literally do acid and have the same realizations i had last week when god spoke to me and told me to begin digging a large hole in my backyard 🙄

i'm on a high fodmap diet to flex on people with ibs

"yeah i'm totally radicalizing all the kids at my summer camp" "oh nice, are you teaching them about unions or something?" "nah i'm turning them into chinese nationalists"

developments in the family group chat