goddd I freaken forgor the reverence with which I wrote hel sometimes. the deeper, tender understanding between the two of them. it's nice to revisit

well I'm glad I found a new fixation to start drawing like a freak of nature again bc it was uhhhh somewhat depresso there for a minute, still kind of is but less so now that I've found footing again

yeah yeah I know lamenting again about art, tried true and tired, I KNOW but I am still despairing my art and the fact I didn't start ten years ago

I'm frustrated bc I could've started 10 years earlier and been further along I guess

I'm really at an impasse with my art here. I want to get better, I do, I want to be able to draw the things that I envision, but I also haven't done it in months and I don't know if I even want to keep at it

why am I always putting my foot in my fucking mouth I don't even know what to do here now

deeply, deeply unhappy lol

the actual thing I came here to say is . man I don't even know. I'm not gonna bother bc I'm front row at tdcc and this is supposed to be a good night, so I am going to let it be a good night

struggling to think about bel as a redhead any longer?? auburn maybe, sure, but also I'm considering very deeply. pondering my belorb

this is not what I came here to say, but I have to sincerely consider this prospect. this is actually kinda pressing on my mind which means I have to do it, but I have not drawn in. idek how long