My favourite utility company email is “you are £357.36 in credit, so we have raised your direct debit by £30 a month” emails.

Thanks to one supplier posting ghost data to my account in error when I had a smart meters installed, they wanted my monthly DD to increase from £95 to £950 (WTF?) and "couldn't" undo their mistake. I cancelled the budget account and chose the option to pay the ACTUAL bill each month instead.

And after you complain we'll alter that so it only goes up by £25

i really really really don't understand this stuff, it makes no sense

lol, just had this very email from Octopus - & i have a permanent £400 credit with them, that I have been trying to get down I take a meter reading every Monday (all year) and submit it that day on their website (& add it to my spreadsheet), so I know exactly how much I use

Shout out to octopus who have this on their app and web. Although whoever does our gas did try that "...because your usage has recently increased" based on 18 months of estimates. Had to send them a photo of the meter before they'd accept their ever increasing estimates were bollox.

“Your consumption pattern that has no substantial data behind it indicates you may be cold in Christmas so give us lots of money now”

Utility companies are basically non interest paying banks. Not even a prize draw like premium bonds.

I work for a utility company, or I did until they sold us off, now I work for a contractor to utility companies. You think they are bad at the customer service bit. You should see the incoherent shite they expect us to work with.

Have to say I respect that Octopus emailed in September and went 'we think energy wholesale prices are going to go up this year. Have you considered fixing your tariff'. Not exactly fully altruistic ofc, but as a way of operating it feels more transparent

It’s the time of year when my clients all get these emails, such a fucking scam. Energy companies are grasping cunts. Come next August they’ll refund £300 odd quid after having held that money in their account for 12 months. Times that by several million people and high interest rates…