Count down…

These dating reality shows seem very icky, says the guy who spent the last 3 years on dating apps.

Oh no. My dad texted that the hospital is doing a cat scam on my mom and that sounds shady af.

I heard that earth's new mini-moon left early because of all the bullshit going on down here.

So…I’m a swinger. Golf clubs, baseball bats, you name it I’ll swing it.

Sometimes, you just need to lay on a couch and cover your head with a well worn afghan.

[straps on tourniquet, opens bluesky] Inject the jokes straight into my veins. Send me to the cheap dopamine moon!

I’ve been waiting for that response 🤣

Don’t forget to check your 👻🐝🐝🐝

Dad joke- At the restaurant the waiter said, "do you want a box for your leftovers?" And Dad said "no, but I'll wrestle you for them!"