*walks into a paint store, clamps my head into the can shaker and switches it on*

Real men know TGIF means Tongue Goes In First

Live feed of me getting out of bed in the morning

a polar bear cub is laying on its back on a wooden floor .

Alt: A polar bear cub attempts to roll over onto his belly for several seconds before finally succeeding, and lays spread eagles and exhausted

“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” is a powerful quote. But it’s a bad way to tell someone that they were adopted.

Saying “I’d hit that” as I walk down the outdoor decor aisle at Spirit Halloween.

Fantasy Sh!tposting League Is this a thing?

Sharing blankets is the cause for 9/10 divorces

Spanksgiving

😉

bear with me (oh my god it’s huge please send help)