I always walk through the grass. Fuck nature. #AConvenientTruth
Remember that time Whitney sang the national anthem and it charted as a pop hit? No? You were born in 2005? Okay, anyway—I gotta go get my old person bedtime ritual started!
“Are you okay?” He asked. “Yes”, I lied…still feeling painfully embarrassed from that time in 6th grade when we had to come up with medieval names and I thought I was clever by being called Sir Kis.
Every time I need a stud finder I have to buy a new one. This, despite the fact that I’m constantly identifying studs, is the chaotic energy that defines my life.
Harry Styles has a new song? THIS IS A CODE BEIGE EVERYONE—THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
This multiverse shit is the laziest writing trend since “IT WAS ALL A DREAM”. 🙄
Up Next: Disney unveils new Passenger Princess. The reasons you hate it will shock you!
Man I’ve said a lot of dumb things in the internet today. It’s gotta be some kind of record. A gold at the dumb Olympics!
Just in case you were wondering, the grandmother in Dante’s Peak has retained the title of stupidest movie death in history for over 20 years now.