I’ll start working on one.

Are those contact lensss floating behind them? Nice work!

Ours is greed. Can I interest you in you giving us some of your money?

We do the same with our customers when they stop ordering from us.

We’re trying to keep our overhead down, so we can pass the savings on to you.

Is that the secret? Announcing it beforehand? We sent our customers complimentary bottles of piss, and a bunch of them tried to use it as contact solution. The resulting lawsuits cost us billions.

Still haven’t been able to get the contact lens out of my butt, but it’s probably fine, right?

Oh, so it’s cool when THEY do it, but when we tried putting a free scoop of ice cream inside people’s contact orders we got nothing but complaints.

It’s national fight a kitten day! To celebrate, we’re sending out a free kitten mallet with every order placed in the next 24 hours.

80 times in December. Got it.