Still haven’t been able to get the contact lens out of my butt, but it’s probably fine, right?

It’s national fight a kitten day! To celebrate, we’re sending out a free kitten mallet with every order placed in the next 24 hours.

It’s national creamed corn day! Join in on the festivities by heading over to our website… use the code 1800CORNTACTS at checkout and we will sell your personal information to one of the Garys from yesterday’s national Gary day promotion.

Tired of wasting valuable farts fending off the riff raff at stores? Let us deliver your contacts directly to your door and save you a trip! Save time (and fart) with 1-800-CONTACTS.

It’s national Gary day! As a thank you to all the Garys out there, If you go to our website and use the code GARY2024 at checkout, you’ll get a message that says “this code is invalid.”

Our lawyers have advised us to clarify that wearing our contacts does not make you a Highlander, so please stop challenging other 1-800-CONTACTS customers to fights to the death.

There can be only one 1-800-CONTACTS.

I tried putting a contact on my browneye, and it did not go well. Please help.