Learning new stuff no-one goes in a straight line. We all oscillatate / resort to our basic programming. You can take the lion out of the jungle but not the jungle out of the lion. If this is your fallback, realise it for what it is and accept it. It's not faiiling, it's survival to some part of you

I am just struggling a lot. Thank you for your words. I appreciate your honesty even if I am worried about what it means for me