According to Republicans, an attempt at crime/fraud/insurrection doesn’t count unless it succeeds, so I don’t know what they’re upset about.

The Onion first started posting this TEN YEARS ago

TOtheonion.comSep 4, 2024 8:31pm

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

WINDER, GA—In the hours following a violent rampage in Georgia in which a lone attacker killed at least four individuals and injured nine others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of...

Maybe the real jam is the one we pumped up along the way

Ah yes, the “news” network that called Mister Rogers an “evil, evil man” is now shocked that a kid loves his dad to tears. Huh.

“Trump Melts Down After…” We’re going to keep seeing a lot of those headlines, aren’t we?

I hate ironing. I know because every time I do it, I think, “Wow, I hate this.” And that’s mindfulness.

I fucked up doing a ferry in Seattle and caused problems for a bunch of people. The shame feels like battery acid and gin

In my private secret thoughts, sometimes I think, yes, maybe a burger is a sandwich. However HOWEVER if you opened a “sandwich” restaurant and only served burgers there? Jail.

I have such a hard time knowing how I come off to people. Like, it’s a near-complete mystery to me. This has to be A Thing, right?