so i'm not sure i've given this a lot of consideration (being bi now, while almost exclusively gay before)-- i remember always feeling more comfortable in gay men's spaces even if i didn't quite understand them and missed a lot of cultural expectations at the time?

Oh, I am FOR SURE interested in what you mean by missing cultural expectations!

these days most of my friends happen to be cis women (majority are straight) but a lot of that is my close gay friends all moved to other states during the pandemic.