i don't know if expectations is quite the right word, but while i was into men, i was functionally ace at the time (and looking back, that was almost entirely dysphoria); and while so much of gay culture isn't about sex it's also not an insignificant part of it, which made it harder to connect

but i also can't quite tease out yet how much of it is a "me" problem, for instance. even today i feel like i don't quite get "trans" culture to the point where me joking I transitioned from a cis ally (dude) to become a cis ally (lady) feels weirdly too on the nose