my mom wants me to find a job. i understand part of the reason why. she is supporting me financially and it’s not fair. but i think there is a rush to be independent as a normative good that i don’t appreciate. why can’t i spend 6 months to a year writing and reading?

i just realized that when you send an email it usually entails replying to their response 😭 one email is enough for my spoons!

to tend and tender are similar words for a reason in my estimation.

the greatest gift of loving is to learn with another person.

i notice that people with chronic pain usually have little trouble being emotionally vulnerable. our surfaces are more permeable, for otherwise the pain would collect until our bodies detonate. we have learned how to pass painful feeling, or any feeling, freely through flesh, tending so delicately.

there is a unique pain of being someone who desires deeply. i desire people always more than they desire me (i desire most people too). i desire too many beautiful futures, a single future evades me much less the plenitude i imagine.

Travis, you and I think about similar things I think because we both suffer from deep pain. I will email you my thoughts as well. I have been meaning to write a short distillation of my thoughts about this.

while i on the other hand have not!

sometimes i forget i am out and i panic that people might find out i am girl :((

note to self: don’t mention having erotic interactions with flat whites on a first date :/