Amazon is the absolute industry leader in advertising things to me that I've already bought

@ICE I heard Elon Musk doesn't have a green card

British accents be like "Come on Bobbie, Let's go potty"

The party who refused to wear masks

Why the hell would you buy a Cybertruck when you could buy a 1997 Tacoma for like half as much

I regret being born an American

It's not a bubble tea party, it's a Boba Fête

Cornflake girls are like ALWAYS putting on their string bean love

Me as a kid: why is Han Solo always so mean to C-3PO? Me now: ALEXA, the ALBUM version, not the LIVE version you dumb cunt

ME: I had a problem with my order DOORDASH: Fuck you