Breaking: Santa has been shot out of the sky by trigger-happy Americans. He appears to be safe and well, but is now being detained by authorities for entering the country illegally. A witness to the events is quoted as saying “we don’t want no foreigners poisoning the blood of our country”

I mean the irony being that the blood stuff is all stolen from Europeans. Lemme know how Orban is doing. Or Le Pen. Or Meloni. Or AfD. Or Spains attempts to deal with secession. Or northern Ireland.

Multiple states have banned Santa for giving free stuff to kids who should learn to be poor, officials say