I have always been a lonely person From childhood to now, I was always othered and its taught me its not worth trying to make friends b/c Im just going to get hurt, and theres no way to bring the ones you have into the real world But even now, Im still trying to believe Im worth anything to others
And its both despair inducing and depression fuelling Like, I didnt get to spend any real *genuine* time with other queer people. People like me. Until I was 24. And when I see things like cons, meetups and just hangouts so many post, it feels like thats something Im never gonna experience now
This country is an isolated, lonely shithole where if youre any kind of outsider, your odds of making real friends outside of high school are nill And with so young people here denied the true freedoms of adulthood like expendable income and their own homes, there is this overhanging lonely misery
The combination of factors in my life (born and live in Ireland, being neurodivergent, being queer, familial emotional neglect and a dogshit economy +pandemic) have meant Im now 26 and genuinely feel like the chance to make real life, physical, lasting friendships and community is long since gone
Taking estrogen really quieted the dysphoria goblins in my head But I ran out 5 days ago and now they’re back with hammers and anger