What y’all doing out here?

Paint colors are always named things like “Daisy Petal” and never “Rafiki’s Butthole”.

When Jesse Plemmons plays a villain in literally anything, he always does so well it gives me the fuckin’ creeps.

I don’t know who needs to hear this. I don’t know who WILL see this. I am a month into a new job with a new company and I could not be happier.

feeling terrible for the jury, imagine being considered Trump's peer

Haven’t been around here in a bit, how are things?

My throwing up muscles are sore. Haven’t worked out in a while.

What can I say, I know my way around a barbecue grill grease trap.

If you are on a tropical vacation and you are wearing socks with your sandals, I will contact the local authorities.

DUOLINGO OWL: [snorts line of coke] LET’S GET BILINGUAL MOTHERFUCKERS