Fuck, this is awful. I had no idea. Man, why do people have to suck so much?

This timeline is bullshit. I'm going back to the Sideways to try again.

I look forward to hearing all about this on next week's show and enjoying it despite having no idea what you are talking about.

This would destroy me

I am outraged. I would absolutely read on after that opener. A paragraph like that earns at least a couple more pages of goodwill.

One can only hope

Gracious, what a head-turning revelation

Not just wrong, but a deeply weird attitude. It's like cutting off a leg to hit your weight goals.

Where do I sign?

Oh no. Get well soon.