i just keep thinking, if i'd been a better client, a better person, less annoying, less pressuring maybe they'd've enjoyed it more

none of that is their fault, it's just how my brain works. it's an issue i need to work on and i'm doing my best but i'm so exhausted i'm so stressed and tired that i made myself sick eating moldy food on purpose so mother wouldn't interrogate me about why i didn't eat it