I've been humbled by these years, I feel. I just want to do no harm, and hopefully figure out what to do with the rest of my time, and who to share it with. Well. I can feel how cumbersome my words are in one nice fat chunk for you to unravel like that, so, I've got a psych appointment. Bye!!

Who I am and what I accomplish really don't matter. My time is finite and I've lost a lot of what did matter, but I, hopefully, have many years left to pester everyone, and I intend to be a better person than I have been. I still have to settle myself, but something has moved. No choice but forward.

Whether subconscious or not, yeah, I recognize indignant behavior in my actions. I regret it, of course. I can't say I've slain my ego, exactly. But the last few years have forced an overdue reckoning, and through lots of suffering, I hope has squeezed out some maturity.

I have projected my own egotism onto others and been indignant. I've been thinking about that word a lot. I don't hear it often but I know what it to means. To deny others dignity.

I like to think of intelligence and perspective in nail and hammer terms. Without perspective, what good is intellect? You can quote Thoreau and Chaucer, but, for one, nobody will be impressed. But really, what's your bent? What's MY bent? That's a good question.

She brings perspective, from very high above.

It feels like it gives me better perspective, when it works. Not necessarily that it's giving me chemicals I've been deprived of, and maybe it is, but reduces the warped fun house effect I get lost in. For instance, today I'm kind of bummed. Why? Because I have a depression disorder! There you go.

I'm a little annoyed he didn't respond to my texts, but he did give me 40 mins for free a couple weeks ago. I feel like the Remeron is helping, but the drowsiness is pretty significant. And of course I still get depressed. My hope is it gets easier to pull myself out.

I want to go TO JAPAN! And say hello to the delightful shopkeeper in Osaka.

I've considered it might just be my hearing. I have tinnitus in my left ear, not that that necessarily matters. Think I'll make an ear/nose/throat specialist visit. The doc I saw last winter found no major issues, but that guy, wow. Textbook definition of egomaniac. My psych knew him too! "RUN" lol