Isn't it weird how time goes faster when you're enjoying yourself, and slower when your body is being crushed in the gears of a clock tower?
If you can fit the sandwich in your mouth you're either a boa constrictor or not in a Brooklyn deli
they say running is a great way to get in shape but my nose has been doing it nonstop since 1985 and I can tell you things have not improved
making coq au vin for dinner tonight which is French for "dick in wine"
Playing mind games by recommending things that suck and saying “I think you’ll like it.”
I’m worried that I’ll never poop again but my boyfriend assured me that even if I never poop again, he’ll still love me
[posts a well thought out piece on police brutality] the internet: your fat
i’m gonna start wearing jean shorts a lot and demand everyone call me gene.