Kids today will never have MIDI versions of all their favorite songs. This is what we've lost.

I miss the transgressive left. The right is always getting triggered by shit like Trans people and Taylor Swift existing, but imagine if there was an actual concerted effort to offend. Piss Christ was low effort and look at the effect that had. Balloons of Trump in a diaper just don't cut it.

He's dead! He's finally fucking dead! Fuck Henry Kissinger and good fucking riddance!

This Thanksgiving I made two turkeys. A fried one for family who likes crispy skin and moist, flavorful meat, and an undercooked one for my racist and bigoted family members.

People are responding to this headline as if it's Hachiko or that episode of Futurama, and not a Jack Russell Terrier with no other source of food in the woods.

It's the IDF vs. The ICU.

Thinking of starting a soap and cleanser company aimed at men called, "I'm Not Gay, Bro!" Scents include Sniper Musk, Elon Musk, What Guys Think Pussy Smells Like Cause They Don't Go Down On Their Tradwives, Alcohol Laced Vomit, and Gasoline & Diesel Fuel. That last one probably already exists.

"There are many people who feel that it is useless and futile to continue talking about peace and non-violence against a government whose only reply is savage attacks on an unarmed and defenseless people."- Nelson Mandela 🇵🇸 🇵🇸 🇵🇸

At 2:20 today, I'm going to pop an Alka seltzer and pretend to have a seizure.

By being consistently anti-war in the Russia-UkrATO conflict, it guarantees that I'll never inadvertently applaud an actual fucking nazi.