My Apple Watch says my resting heart rate is 129 though so maybe I’m not dealing as well as I’d imagined…

Baby bird *confirms all of this is true* Okay this is all bullshit but I guess I can deal as long as nobody tries to shove me out just to see what I’ll do…

I have a huge bag made from a McDonald’s flag that my dad stole from his warehouse job in the 1980’s

Absolutely. Gotta stay focused on what’s important

Cops can’t even handle slides much less skateboards

Aaaannnd the patient is dead

Everyone knows Segway cops are worse than either of them but that’s beside the point.

Seattle has arguably better infrastructure but the hills are so bad that it almost makes me miss the bike lane door dodging and murderous drivers in Chicago.

This weekend at a music festival my friends and I continuously referenced the person in a chainmail bikini as a very unique landmark. We found our way back home to each other by this incredibly well armored North Star.

Yes 100% they can do that.