Around 55 you alternate theatrical sighs and “goddammit”s in between the throat clearing. Kinda psyched to see what 75 brings to the mix

Now I gotta figure out how to find all the cool kids 🤔

I am so uncool I did not know this was a thing the cool kids were doing 😞

Because then no one can realize how utterly bonkers my sentences are

I’m shorting America. Don’t tell anyone, but I think the whole enterprise is no longer grounded in solid fundamentals and it seems at least half its shareholders have become utterly irrational.

a man in a suit talking on a cell phone with the words yep there 's a bubble below him

ALT: a man in a suit talking on a cell phone with the words yep there 's a bubble below him

My dad cheated on my mom when i was born, so I can confirm that it is hard not to cheat at “this time” if you are an infantile sack of solipsism. For those of us who are not in fact man-babies wracked with jealousy that their wife is breastfeeding their baby, this is not, in fact, a thing.

My party vibe

TO BE A JEW TODAY by @noahfeldman.bsky.social would be a remarkable achievement in any year, but to have it this year feels like a life raft 📚💙

Cards Against Humanity is offering swing state voters who didn’t vote in 2020 $100 if they apologize & make a voting plan, & publicly post “Donald Trump is a human toilet.” www.apologize.lol

Cards Against Humanity Pays You to Give a Shit

Didn't vote in 2020? Cards Against Humanity will pay you to apologize.