Around 55 you alternate theatrical sighs and “goddammit”s in between the throat clearing. Kinda psyched to see what 75 brings to the mix

Now I gotta figure out how to find all the cool kids 🤔

I am so uncool I did not know this was a thing the cool kids were doing 😞

Because then no one can realize how utterly bonkers my sentences are

My dad cheated on my mom when i was born, so I can confirm that it is hard not to cheat at “this time” if you are an infantile sack of solipsism. For those of us who are not in fact man-babies wracked with jealousy that their wife is breastfeeding their baby, this is not, in fact, a thing.

Dads always are funny, says a dad.

This is everything

But… who made you wear these {shudder} hard pants ?? Should I report this to someone? It really should be illegal (This 👇 is what I picture when I think “hard pants”)

I mean, he did, in the sense that he invented a moveable type press that did not exist in Europe previously. But of course he did not invent the first printing press OR moveable type by a long shot. Certainly in print history folks know this, I hope 😳

I keep thinking someone will make a Bluesky feed for academic humanities folks to bond in collective misery and gallows humor, but I guess everyone is too depressed. I should figure it out because I have LOTS of gallows humor to get us started