The tennis game on my phone makes me happiest when I play against someone who clearly takes it way too seriously and our screen names are shown at the end of the match. Sorry, “NadalChamp247,” you just lost to “flatulence.”

I fear that I am breaking some sort of City of Seattle ordinance since I am a white dude leaving the house this weekend with neither a Metallica T Shirt nor a Penny Arcade Expo name tag

Gus Waltz shouting “that’s my dad” has gone a long way towards restoring my faith in humanity. Our species isn’t all bad.

The only thing that could have made Joe Biden’s speech more Biden-esque would have been for him to ditch “that’s not hyperbole” in favor of “crappin’ you negative” halfway through.

I have nothing against cats or cat people - really! I don’t! - but I would like to find a way for my feed on this app to feature fewer random cat photos.

For no good reason I can recall, I always kind of slept on the Destroyer album “Poison Season.” I pulled it out again recently and I’ve had it in heavy rotation. Somewhere around the line “raise a toast to the world of scum” I began to consider the possibility that this might be their best album.

Never have I used the words “hottest room in Hell” more vehemently than when I am cursing whoever launched a cyber attack on the Seattle Public Library. Some things are just simply Not Done. This is like kicking a puppy or dumping toxic waste in the Grand Canyon.

Nothing makes me feel old like watching younger people typing on their phones. I’ve gotten pretty good at it over the years, but teenagers appear to have some sort of super power where their thumbs move faster than I can think. I can still write in cursive though!

I don’t remember the specifics of the dreams I had the night after seeing Furiosa, but I woke with the distinct impression of having heard many engines running at top volume.

Every year Seattle has an Erotic Art Fair and I’d like to propose an adjacent festival: the Neurotic Art Fair. We can all paint pictures of things we are afraid of, the more irrational the better.