I want to be there and experience things with everyone but at the same time I feel very sad that I don't have it in me right now. and having had d2 with me for ten years and more(!), it makes me feel extra sad. there are also dreams I've seen about this that have made me really anxious and--

as those dreams have been recurrent, some days I've struggled to realise whether they're real or not. so they just add up to the sadness and anxiety of everything which is! maddening to say the least