“This disturbing abomination is using a hearing aid!” If I buy a hearing aid it won’t be from some uncanny valley ass dude on the internet.

(They are films about a cursed zombie with a big head who kills people.)

Obviously I want to see Pumpkinhead 2 but I’ve gotta wait until I’ve seen the first one so I can appreciate the backstory!

“Some critics” say that Musk running a slave colony on Mars would be a bad thing! Who can say!

In the real world people usually care about what you’re producing, because they’ve paid for it. This guy gets paid either way.

Wow, it’s weird how much that post sounds like Steven Cheung, even though Trump definitely wrote it himself. Great minds eh what.

Then, realistically, “Which bar should we go to?” I feel you, imaginary co-worker.

Yes you would be unable to travel easily beyond the contiguous landmass of the Americas but I feel the trade off would be worth it.

The moral of the story is that instead of staying in a hotel, you should be travelling around in a sweet custom van with a foldout bed where the only unexpected charge is an electrostatic one from the awesome carpet you glued to the walls and ceiling. It would obviously be called the Northmachine.

The actual Absolute Batman’s logo looks like a huge Charlie Chaplin moustache and honestly I can’t be the first one who’s noticed that.