My middle school mind is blown by the fact that you can just buy Magic cards at Costco now.

"The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog." - Glamorizes hustle culture - Speciest - Was taught to you in elementary school "Sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow." - Metal as fuck - Implies that you are a wizard - No one will know you are testing out a font

LOOK UPON MY WORKS, YE MIGHTY, AND DESPAIR

The northern lights are here, y’all. Social media just told me about it and I ran out to the back deck in the nick of time.

Not me sending this to the family group chat

TOtheonion.comOct 9, 2024 4:53pm

Mom Spends 15 Minutes Hearting Every Message From Last 5 Days Of Family Group Chat

Mom Spends 15 Minutes Hearting Every Message From Last 5 Days Of Family Group Chat

RICHMOND, VA—In an attempt to make clear her feelings of emotional warmth toward their texts and photos, local mom Susan Barnes reportedly spent 15 minutes of her Thursday morning combing through the ...

I’ve never been so accurately identified in my life

A heat gun was just delivered to my house by mail, addressed to my husband. I asked him if it was for doing finish work on the bookcases he’s building in our living room. “No,” he said. “It’s for making a black flame candle.” So, uh, I guess that’s happening here.

I’m working late cause I’m a mayor they give me bribes To curry favor

Aartologica.netSep 30, 2024 7:05pm

That's that me, embezzo

Did Sabrina Carpenter get NYC mayor indicted?

At the New York City leg of her “Short N’ Sweet” tour, pop star Sabrina Carpenter quipped about how she played a part in getting Mayor Eric Adams indicted on federal corruption charges. Carpenter ofte...

My kid is doing a group project for social studies and as far as I can tell the primary takeaway lesson is how frustrating it is for multiple people to work on one document online in real time. Really preparing them for the real world!

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe is a Waffle House, actually