Agent Scully's dad nicknamed her Starbuck because he loved Starbucks

*time travels back to ancient Rome* "No. I get it. I'm speaking English. You only understand like half of what I'm saying."

*Time travel to ancient Rome* Me: Whoa! You guys got grapes this far in the past? *eating grapes* Me: You know you can't feed these to dogs.

I'm the coach of my work's ARAM team. I basically have to talk about it at work

Putting "Lol" in my work emails

Me: *playing chess* Opponent: *makes a normal chess move* Me: What the heck is this guy's problem?

With a sprinkling of stars, ideally

All I want to do is wear sweaters with wolves on them

People would be happier if they could walk outside their house and see The Milky Way

Saw some geese flying north, so if you want to know how the world is doing, it's not great.