I'm sorry. Is there some sort of video that explains the meaning of Christmas? I don't think I'm getting it.

Dystopia Youtube: Using its billions to try and force everyone to watch ads and ruining the user experience. Utopia Youtube: Using its billions to make an algorithm that normalizes the audio volume for every Youtube video

God: So I don't know if this was explained poorly, but I need to reiterate that you can do anything in Heaven. Anything. You don't have to be a day laborer on The Bent Pyramid. Me: Hey buddy. I'm really trying to get these stones as flush as possible so I gotta focus. Can you come back on my break?

Elmo: Abby, it's raining again. Abby: Ugh! I've tried all the weather spells I know and I can't make it sunny. Customer at Hooper's Store: Hello. I think I can help. Elmo: It's George Harrison! George Harrison: *starts to play Here Comes The Sun*

Oh yeah? You're a parent? Name your favorite Baby Shark variant.

The way I found out my daughter understands the concept of love was not because she told me that she loves me, but because she spent 10 minutes telling a stuffed penguin that we bought her that she loves it

Machete-wielding maniac encounters the last man carrying a broadsword. Old men opine about how we used to be a proper country.

Kind of! If a mixture of water, milk, and matcha powder counts as a "mixed drink."

Me: *shaking matcha drink to get it to dissolve because I'm not buying a whisk* The Person in the Car Behind Me Getting Mad I'm Not Going Now That the Light is Green: "Probably texting..."

What Beat Bobby Flay teaches us is that processing ingredients the long way - e.g. pureeing pumpkin vs. using canned - does not make your dish taste better What barbecue teaches us is that cooking your food at a lower temperature and for longer periods of time does make your food taste better