I’m the proud owner of a used Cybertruck. Time to mow down some of my son’s little people.

Our CFO yelled “Fuck!” at the boss on a zoom call today. Best Monday ever.

/to the tune of Alicia Keys's "Girl On Fire" "This dad is de-FIANT."

“I gave money to that Nigerian prince just to test and see if he really would send me gold” 🫠

He’s on fire!

Did Tyler Herro just watch Semi-Pro?

I’m oversized glove boy. Look at me, I got huge gloves on my tiny hands! Now gimme some candy!

My 76 yr old mom is going to a concert tonight, and I just got this pic 🤘

My son learned “uh oh” but says “ah oo,” and it’s about the cutest shit ever.

I can’t decide if this baby spoon is upset with me or getting its groove on.