I had not once made any new friends since last mid year. I choose to be a recluse and had socialize with very very few people minimum due to mental health declining.. I'm sorry this mental health journey has been taking too long.. I honestly don't think I can possibly be able to recover..

I don't have any massive goals in life. I just want to work, save money, afford living/surviving and mend my mental health... I don't see myself with a social media presence. I like being a nobody. The trauma, hurt & pain is too deep that I actual avoid making new friends & socializing..

I created a self sabotage of removing myself from people's lives, because I truly had my brain hammered to believe everything is my fault due to how my family abused me. I wished some days I had a normal brain. But I constantly fight several voices in my head due to my disability & abuse...

The abuse resume until I ran away from home at age 19. They couldnt hurt me anymore, or forced me back. I do not have a healthy mental health. I had no way to coop with things in a healthy manner. I had a habit if something bad happens, I punished myself because it was what I was use to.

I walked away in the cold, down the sidewalk, further and further towards a busy set of cars passing by me & eventually police found me. They got me to come in their car, keeping me busy by talking 2 me til they got me back home. They gave me a lil flashlight 2 keep... but them leaving, i was scared

Who believed that my own family did not want me anymore. So i walked away as I was locked out of the house while my dad and grand parents yelled, keeping my siblings inside. I was picked to be outside cuz i was the "oldest", but I learn quickly it was because I was disabled & too difficult to raise.

Left outside in the cold at night, as my dad was tired and fustrated with us kids. Both my parents did not want to deal with any of us kids. Were we bad kids? No, absolutely not. We were simply like any other kids, but they were not ready to be parents... I was hurting, a small 7-8 year old child->

When they made mistakes, they would instead yell or hurt us for their mistakes. After awhile, the abuse was heavily focused on me, due to my mental disability. I would feel alone, outcasted as all of the anger and frustration was hurled in my direction. 2nd time police came was when I was->

Not even just the grades. If we didnt clean to their standards, we get beaten, if we didnt properly listen to they needed & wanted, we get beaten. While some can be to teach us a lesson, most of it turned into a regular thing because they weren't patient with us kids..

(2/2) They put so much fear into us, we fearfully told the police what our dad and grandparents said was the truth. Lying to the police because we didnt want to get beaten more. All our beatings was purely because we weren't perfect enough in their eyes. Grades matter to them more...(continue>)