I've long had a personal theory about Custard Tits' level of illness and it's been confirmed. Mate, if you were deciding whether you wanted to have a kip or not, you were on the kind of ventilation they give to people with sleep apnoea. I've been closer to death when I've pushed the cat off the bed

Was he ever really in intensive care?

His fear, another man's wish.

Yes, though I once refused to slip into a coma for fear I'd wake up in a 1970s police procedural.

I don't buy it. Don't believe he was that ill. Never did. Never will. I think this purely out of the level of trust I have for him. Awful moronic man!

The guy is an absolute gutless coward. The only way he could have been brave about that illness is if he phoned someone else to arrange for them to beat it up.

Chapeau for ‘custard tits’

I can believe he was in intensive care as it would have allowed for him to be in a single room with a higher staffing ratio that would make security much easier but I don’t think he was at death’s door by any stretch of the imagination.

Let's face it, he's an habitual liar. This story was conjectured purely to raise sympathy and avoid criticism of him.

He's never been confirmed as being on a ventilator, as far as I've seen. At the time even the Torygraph only reported him as being "near a ventilator"

The night I thought I was going to die, I refused expert treatment as I'm an inverted spastic.