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Life Is Amazing publisher
@lifeisamazing.bsky.social
Writer, publisher, lover of Portsmouth. Will try to keep this account to the creative stuff and leave the arguing on twitter... If you are rude, aggressive or foolish, I will block you - life is too short to waste on bad vibes.
851 followers191 following4.1k posts
LIlifeisamazing.bsky.social

The Innkeeper At The Prancing Pony's Story Today's piece of Tolkien-related silliness takes a look at one of the Shire's more salubrious establishments... @neilhimself.neilgaiman.com, fancy a pint here? :)

The Innkeeper at The Prancing Pony’s Story A pint? Wait a bit, don’t want a dirty tankard, do we? (Spits in it and wipes with a dirty cloth. Pours a pint of unappetising brown liquid, sets it on the bar. A small unidentified insect, half drowned, half drunk, crawls out and lies on its carapace. It has lost count of its legs. It waves them in the air bemusedly) Not seen you before. Elf, may I ask? (Shrugs) We get all sorts in ‘ere Sure, I’ll tell you about the place, you being new. Out ‘ere on the edge of the Shire, it can feel like a pioneer town or the canteen at Mos Eisley – though with more facial ‘air. Oh, and no jazz band, which I’m quite proud of. Totally the wrong vibe for a culture based on early mediaeval northern Europe. Like ‘aving Starbucks cups for tankards – and they’re useless in a fight – (bit like stormtroopers) We ‘ad that Ringwraiths Anonymous in last week. Monthly meeting. (cont'd next image)
“My name is The Witch King of Angmar and I ‘aven’t mercilessly slain a sentient being in one hour” (round of applause from the others) I wouldn’t ‘ave ‘em but it’s quiet on Tuesdays. (More so once they started coming) They don’t drink much either, but no-one else would take ‘em and the wife says we shouldn’t judge. In return, they do the doors on the Friday Night Troll Dance. Never a whiff of trouble. That Strider can be a bit of a presence. Brooding in the corner. Bad as the Ringwraiths in ‘is own way, pretending ‘e’s not slumming it. You can tell ‘e went to posh school, even though ‘e ‘ides it.. Glowering from under ‘is ‘ood. Got a thing for ‘obbits. As if we all don’t know. Last week we ‘ad a group of ‘em come through – ‘obbits. Unusual to see travellers from back there out this way. That was a weird night. Suddenly the Ringwraiths turn up out of nowhere and I’m: “Gentlemen, you’re next week” (Img from LotR movie, Strider smokes pipe, face shaded by hood) (cont'd next pic)
They get all uppity, and the ‘obbits are white as sheets. One of ‘em got so scared ‘e just vanished. Meanwhile, one wraith’s being a right sod. I said to ‘im: “Witch King of Angmar, you’re barred.” Got right sulky. – Wife says we’ve probably all got some ‘obbit in us, ‘aven’t we? Never used to get trouble like that. I don’t know – I have this feeling it’s the start of something. Someone ought to do something about it. What do you mean never mind all that? Oh, sod it you’re from Food ‘Yygiene and Public ‘Elf?! – No, I can’t afford a dishwasher. Look mate, business is tough enough already, – Yes, I suppose they are disposable and cleaner. And I guess we’ll have fewer injuries. – (Sighs) All right, from now on Starbucks cups it is. (Pic shows Daenerys Targeryen and John Snow from Game of Thrones at a banquet table with a Starbucks cup left accidentally by the crew in clear shot.)
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LIlifeisamazing.bsky.social

I'd really like to say to everyone who has liked these pieces of silliness, I really appreciate the positive vibe. Some of the pieces are bound to work better than others, some are poems, some monologues that look a bit like poems, others, I'm not sure what. So thanks for joining in while I play!

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Life Is Amazing publisher
@lifeisamazing.bsky.social
Writer, publisher, lover of Portsmouth. Will try to keep this account to the creative stuff and leave the arguing on twitter... If you are rude, aggressive or foolish, I will block you - life is too short to waste on bad vibes.
851 followers191 following4.1k posts
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